Horror on the screen takes several predictably awesome forms: the perversely human killers (Halloween, the first Friday the 13th), the schlockfests tomatoed up with gore (Hostel 2, House of 1,000 Corpses), and the gothically foreboding, e.g., HBO’s Carnivale — starring Nick Stahl, who subsequently gave a truly frightening performance as an emotionless robot in Terminator 3.
But the best kitsch is saved for the documentary-style TV shows — Unexplained Mysteries, America’s Most Haunted Places, etc. — where the horror conceit not only bears the burden of voiceover narration, but also interviews with actual people. Their amusingly earnest testimony (“I saw the UFO over the soybean field”, “my Aunt Beulah’s a psychic”) is enough to distract from any mood music. That, and the filler special effects, usually a tour de force in Photoshop filters and Final Cut Pro special effects.
Each of these qualities are in FearNET’s Streets of Fear, a series of four-minute, TV-style docs about purportedly haunted American streets. As a bland survey of spooky blue-state streets — Connecticut’s Beelzebub Road, Pennsylvania’s Bloody Spring Road, etc — the show’s premise is entertaining. And maybe that’s all a show like this should offer, i.e., a quick hit of haunted esoterica. Unfortunately you’re also privy to FX so cheesy — warped signposts! Weird camera angles! Reverse polarization! — you start to wonder how they found room for this kind of filler in a four-minute show.
All in all, Fear is enjoyable if you’re just looking for a quick diversion. And the background info on the streets is interesting stuff. But just as Deal or No Deal frustrates by packing the tiniest amount of action possible into 30 minutes, Fear feels needlessly bloated.
If you’re a horror buff, check Fear out. Otherwise, move on.
