Got 5 minutes? The below Station Conversation might take you longer than that to read. But if you’ve ever wanted to learn about a subject in a short time frame, Jill Weinberger and Liz Shannon Miller might have just the video for you.
Jill: So Liz. The Internet is weighing me down. Everything takes TOO LONG.
Liz: Seriously. It’s really done a number on my attention span, this Internet thing. I can handle about 5 minutes of anything these days, and then I got places to be and more media to consume.
Jill: I think some people vastly overestimate the amount of content in their content.
Liz: That’s really it. I could probably watch a romantic comedy in 10 minutes.
Jill: YES! So true.
Liz: It’s like, just let me know what the twists are, and let me watch the kissing, and I’m done.
Jill: You can throw in a couple of wacky bits of physical comedy if it’s really important to you. Something cute involving a hot dog vendor in Central Park, maybe. Just give me enough to be able to discuss it over a cocktail with the other saps who sat through the whole thing. They’re only gonna talk about the good bits anyway.
Basically, I just want life encapsulated as much as possible in tiny digestible online video segments so I can leave the house, save time and money, and go back to kicking my friends’ asses at Scramble. Perhaps I’ve shared too much. That sounds sad.
Liz: I was going to say that I wanted that so I could watch more online video. So really, it could be worse.
Jill: I have a challenge for you. Let’s find the best condensed video experiences and SHARE.
Liz: Ooh, yes! Whoever finds the bestest one gets a lifetime supply of sunless tanning lotion, so it LOOKS like you go outside!
Jill: Yes. I like it.
Liz: Okay, go.
Jill: Well, hot of the presses, there’s 100 Movie Spoilers in Five Minutes.
Liz: Oh, yes. Though I have to admit that it worries me — because what if they talk about a movie that I have not seen?
Jill: Well, that is why they put “spoilers” right there in the title. Besides, I’ve already forgotten whatever the hell they said about There Will Be Blood. Which is the only one I can even remember that was from a movie I hadn’t seen yet. Except maybe some of the Rockys.
Liz: Fair point. And certainly it’s little surprise that most romantic comedies end with Meg Ryan getting the guy. Even in movies Meg Ryan is not actually in.
Jill: To be fair, I won’t watch Battlestar Galactica in Five Minutes because I swear I’m going to Netflix the series any day now.
Liz: Yeah. Same with me and The Wire in Five Minutes.
Oh, wow. This one, I feel, is the most important public service any human being could do for another human being. Not that I’m prone to hyperbole or anything but behold The Star Wars Holiday Special in Five Minutes. Why is this the greatest thing to ever happen, you ask?
Jill: Why? I am nothing if not obliging.
Liz: Because watching The Star Wars Holiday Special is the most common example of self-inflicted torture to which drunk nerds are prone. Sure, it SOUNDS like fun to watch someone’s bootleg. And what the hell, it’s 1 a.m. and you’ll never get to the bar before last call.
Jill: But then you’re trapped with the cantina band and Bea Arthur with no means of escape.
Liz: And soon, Russian roulette with a fully-loaded gun sounds like fun.
Jill: You can also watch just about any musical in five minutes. Case in point: RENT. To be fair, you’re not going actually get any sense of what the hell RENT is about, but those guys are just fun.
The question is, do we just want condensed experiences of other media, or do we want fine instructional information as well? ‘Cause I’ve got videos here showing how to do everything from styling 40s hair to making bread in five minutes.
Liz: How do you make bread in five minutes?
Jill: Well, I’m not to the end, yet, but I think it’s safe to assume that the five minutes doesn’t include the baking. But, you know what? I’m halfway through, and I’m bored. I need a two-minute condensed version of the five-minute bread video.
Liz: I think the five-minute format is only really impressive when you’re compressing a very large amount of content into a small space.
Jill: We want, as William Goldman would call it, the Good Parts Version. Which is why somebody did The Princess Bride in 5 Minutes.
Liz: Nice.
Jill: But The Princess Bride in Five Minutes is actually a Swedeing rather than a reedit, a la Be Kind Rewind.
Liz: I actually like that comparison. Re-editing is kind of the lazy man’s Swedeing, which is appropriate, as these are videos for lazy people, by marginally less lazy people.
Jill: Wow. We must be the laziest people ever. Not only do we watch the lazy man’s version of Sweding, but we were so lazy it took us a whole conversation about condensing other media to remember that there is already an entire recent film release about this very subject.
Liz: Yeah. Maybe we should do a Station Conversation In Five Minutes abridgment.
Jill: Yeah, but I think our whole hook is our tendency to meander. Reduce us to five minutes and what have you got?
Liz: Liz: I am busy.
Jill: Jill: Me too.
Liz: Liz: Watching things is too hard.
Jill: Jill: Let’s watch shorter things.
Liz: Liz: Here is one.
Jill: Jill: Here is another.
Liz: Liz: LOLZ. Nerdy aside.
Jill: Jill: Agreement. That last one was less good. Derisive snark.
Liz: Liz: Agreement, followed by rambling paragraph cribbed mostly from the work of Henry Jenkins.
Jill: Jill: Rambling counterargument reflecting some random loosely-related philosophical bent.
Liz: Liz: Attempt at witty conclusion.
Jill: Jill: Ditto.
