Hey, so the world might end tonight, in case you didn’t know. I’m not talking a “Second Coming-”type end-of-the-world scenario — I’m saying that the planet Earth could be literally torn apart.
CERN’s Large Hadron Collider, which promises to be the world’s most powerful particle accelerator, goes online Sept. 10th at 3:15 AM EDT. The 27 km (17 miles) tunnel that runs underneath Switzerland and France will eventually be host to collisions that “will generate the heat, energy and densities that existed just a trillionth of a second after the Big Bang”: this is exactly the sort of thing that feeds into the stereotype of mad scientists with big red buttons. And while I’m a fan of the hard sciences, even I’m a little wary about power on a supernova scale being generated on my home planet.
But the scientific community understands these sorts of doubts, which is why they’ve produced a… rap video. Yes, a rap video. Written and performed by 23-year-old science writer Katherine McAlpine (known in da clubz and on da YouTubez as AlpineKat), Large Hadron Rap attempts to spell out the science involved in this potentially invaluable scientific accomplishment, rapping to a phat beat supplied by Will Barras.
White people rapping is one of online video’s most tired cliches, but the fact that, from a production standpoint, this video seems to be a refugee from the late 90s is enough to give it some fresh charm. It’s a nerd-rap fiesta of the highest order, right down to the use of black-suit Spider-Man and red-suit Spider-Man to illustrate the concepts of matter and anti-matter. And it does make clear the purpose of a particle accelerator: When scientists observe a particle colliding with something, they study that collision in the hopes of discovering new particles. (What they might use those particles for, I’m not completely clear. Hopefully to improve their understanding of the universe, and not to create some sort of mega-weapon.)
McAlpine’s resume lists her as a former “communicator” for CERN, but this was never an official PR project for the lab. In fact: “we were just goofing off,” she said via email. “Most of it was done on my own time. I mean, I made the lyrics scientifically sharp in the hopes of informing, but this wasn’t official. In fact, we encountered some resistance about the filming, initially.”
Does Large Hadron Rap make the science-phobic less afraid of the end times? Hopefully a little — if only because watching scientists get their boogie on does a lot to dispel any Dr. Strangelove cliches. And the video’s amateur charm is reassuring on its own level — we can only assume that the scientists behind the Large Hadron Collider probably know a little more about operating the world’s most powerful particle accelerator than they know about filmmaking.
It’s unlikely that the LHC will destroy the Earth tonight — for one thing, it will take months before the accelerator reaches full capacity. But just in case something should happen, maybe call your mom tonight. Just to say hi.
