This was no ordinary week for America, and it’s inspired many to consider being more civically active. Jill Weinberger and Liz Shannon Miller are no exception, and in today’s Station Conversation they make plans to aid one of online video’s more disenfranchised populations: the bikini girls.
Jill: So, Liz, I’m here. What do you want to discuss?
Liz: Well, did anything interesting happen this week?
Jill: Mean Kitty’s dad got a mermaid corpse…Oh. You mean the other thing.
Liz: Yeah.
Jill: That was good, too. Freedom and change and hope and whatnot. Plus, CNN had holograms.
Liz: It’s been fun to see everyone react. Obama Girl, for example, is understandably jubilant.
Jill: Yeah. Oh, did you see? The Downstairs Guys filmed their reaction video the morning of the election, just to get ahead of the game.
Liz: WHY WERE THEY TEMPTING THE WRATH OF THE WHATEVER FROM HIGH ATOP THE THING?
Jill: Well, they made a reaction video for either eventuality and found the bright side either way.
Liz: That’s fine, but why is that girl wearing a bikini in freaking November?!? I wore a sweater on the 4th, and I live in California!
Jill: So they could use cleavage and breasts in their tags, duh. That is just good SEO-ness.
Liz: Yeah, I guess that was kind of naive of me. But it still seems unnecessarily cruel.
Jill: They clearly gave her plenty of alcohol. She seems fine.
Liz: There ought to be an organization to protect the girls in bikinis used for screenshot/seo purposes, like the ASPCA. The ASPCB!
Jill: Or at least a bikini girl union ensuring that you get time and a half for any time spent in a bikini.
Liz: Or, in her case, beer and a-half.
I’ll write a letter to Obama. He can take care of it.
Jill: Get Obama Girl to endorse your movement.
Liz: Man, if I could get her to support the ASPCB, then we’d be GOLDEN. That’s like getting Tom Cruise.
Jill: But taller.
Maybe you could get McCain Girl on board. I mean, really, what the hell is she going to be doing with her time now? She’s gotta be free.
Liz: Really, the entire Obama Girl army should enlist. And also, we need to nail down the international audience, which means getting the kids at AtheneWins on board.
Jill: OMG! And Heidi Klum! Although technically she is more lingerie than bikini.
Liz: Heidi Klum might be our biggest challenge, though. While I’m sure she gets paid handsomely to do so, the lady LOVES to show off her ta-tas.
Jill: That doesn’t mean she wouldn’t enjoy time and a half and a heat lamp.
Liz: I’m just saying that it seems like she likes it a little too much, and any obstacles to her being able to do so might be auf’ed.
Jill: But this is what democracy is ABOUT. The privileged using their power to raise the opportunities and protections for the underprivileged.
Of course, Heidi IS German. But America has been very very good to her. And it’s not about taking away anyone’s ta-ta flashing opportunities. It’s about making a safer and more productive ta-ta flashing environment for EVERYONE. USA! USA! YES WE CAN!
Sorry. The spirit of the week is getting to me.
Liz: No, it’s good! We are inspired, is all, to follow Obama’s example, and organize within our community. Our community happens to be online video. Hence, we organize.
Jill: We are TA-TA COMMUNITY ORGANIZERS! And how many people can say that? Outside of porn, that is.
Liz: What are some other rights we feel these ladies in bikinis should demand? I think bikini approval is important.
Jill: Yes. And a guaranteed supply of double stick tape.
Liz: And the right to demand that one crew member, at all times, is tasked with the job of keeping an eye out for nip-slips.
Jill: As well as the right to negotiate beforehand whether or not there will be visible nipple outlinage.
Liz: Ooh, yes. There’s like a whole sub-section here on the issue of nipples.
This discussion, of course, gets to the heart of one of those basic facts about online video, which is that the implementation of a girl’s cleavage is oftentimes the key element of their success. Rocketboom, ScriptGirl…
Jill: The entire premise of this episode of ModelBall…
Liz: As long as there’s been a YouTube, there have been screenshots of knockers on it. At this stage, it’s kind of ridiculous to ask the community to change, so I suppose all we can do is ask that these young ladies are well-treated, and not exploited…well. You know what I mean.
Jill: We aren’t asking for there to be less bikini girls. We’re just asking for basic workplace protections. I imagine a whole roomful of girls in bikinis standing on tables, holding up signs that say, “UNION.”
And shivering.
Here is my question: The screenshots are supposedly random. So how does YouTube KNOW which part of the vid has cleavage in it? ‘Cause most videos with girls in bikinis also feature guys looking like idiots, and they’re never in the screenshot.
Liz: It’s actually a somewhat common practice for editors to insert single frames of bikini girls in spots most likely to be picked for screenshotting. The exact middle of a video is usually the best guess.
Jill: The question is, because a cleavage shot is so essential to the success of a video, do bikini girls have the leverage to negotiate? Or is there always some other new bikini girl, getting off a bus from Omaha, willing to bikini up in less-than-ideal conditions?
Liz: Hmmm, good question. I’d say yes and no. Definitely there’s no shortage of young ladies prepared to brave the elements for their art, but a lot of times these girls become the anchor for their shows, and their personality and charisma adds a lot.
Replacing Obama Girl, for example, is pretty unthinkable. And Rocketboom had serious drop-off after Amanda Congdon left. I think there are probably some not-too-savvy producers who think the answer is yes, but in reality the answer is no.
Jill: Well, then you get back to the Heidi Klum conundrum. Which is that you need your high-profile, more valued personalities to bring their clout to the table to benefit the lesser-known bikini population.
Liz: The nice thing about supporting the rights of the lesser-known bikini girls
is that it gives them a chance to connect with their audiences on their own terms. Thus enabling them to build a fan base and gain more recognition. And that is good for the show, and thus good for the producers with whom they are negotiating.
Jill: I think we’ve done good work today for the rights of girls in bikinis everywhere. I feel like I am a part of the solution. And a true American.
